


Starting Over

by phoenixfire_19



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ALL OF IT, Alcohol, Angst, But not how you think, Depression, F/M, Harry Tries His Best, Hermione Granger is So Done, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Nightmares, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ron Weasley Bashing, Songfic, Trauma, also hermione is a potter now, and a heck ton of trauma, but there is a resorting, her parents are gone, i dont know, i just hear songs and think of characters so i make playlists, ron is shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixfire_19/pseuds/phoenixfire_19
Summary: Hermione finds herself back at Hogwarts and for once, has no idea what the answers are. Everywhere she looks, she sees the bodies of all those she couldnt save. A Resorting brings her closer to the very people she thought would wish her dead and begins to learn how to heal with the help of one Draco Malfoy.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger & Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger & Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger & Theodore Nott, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter One

‘you came from a war, you fought like a soldier, but you came up short in all of this’- we`re gonna be ok by taylor john williams

Draco stood outside the door to 12 Grimmauld Place, wondering how in the hell his life came to this point.

\------

It all started back in the Manor, as things tended to do. Years of trying to survive in that house clicked into place, watching Hermione Granger be tortured on his floor, as he realized things would never get better. So he snuck down to the dungeons, convincing Harry and Ron that he would help them escape. Giving them their wands, he waited while Dobby Apparated Luna and the others away, then led the boys upstairs. He watched helplessly as a fight broke out in the living room, breathing a sigh of relief when his classmates were also Apparated away. 

But the universe bent to give him another chance at redemption. In the courtyard of Hogwarts during the last battle, he tossed his wand to Harry Potter, who was in fact not dead. After everything, he and his mother were put on house arrest until their trials, while his father sat in jail and eventually, went straight to Azkaban. At the trials, Draco was overcome to see so many testifying on his and his mother`s behalf. 

Narcissa`s supposedly estranged sister Andromeda spoke about the abuse Narcissa suffered under Lucius, shared via letters written to each other over the past eighteen years. Harry spoke for both Narcissa and Draco, detailing the encounters in which both saved his life. Draco`s childhood friends, Theo and Pansy, spoke on his behalf, sharing times in which they had to help heal Draco from abusive encounters with Lucius. 

The most shocking testimony, however, was that from Hermione. Draco could only stare at the back of her head as she not only detailed how he was the reason she was still alive after the Manor, but also how he had secretly shared notes about his father`s plans since second year. Draco hadn’t even known that she was aware that he was behind those notes and clues. It didn’t stop him from noticing her wavering voice, or the long sleeves covering the scar he knew was there, or her blank stare as she passed him after the verdict was not guilty, or the fact that he had yet to apologize or thank her. 

In the months following, very little was heard regarding the Golden Trio. Draco spent his days helping Harry sort through the dark artifacts in Malfoy Manor and removing curses. Overcoming childish grudges, he found himself not hating the Chosen One anymore. Together, they bonded over how they had both been manipulated by Dumbledore and the abuse they had undergone as children. 

Harry told Draco about how he was fixing up Grimmauld Place, how Ron had left them again to travel the world, how it was likely from grief over Fred`s death but hurt them nonetheless, how he was becoming friends again with his cousin Dudley, away from Uncle Vernon. Draco told him about Narcissa`s depression and fear of facing the hateful crowds camped outside their Manor, about how she was finding purpose again in helping Andromeda raise Teddy, about how he doesn’t eat at the dinner table because all he can see is Burbage`s corpse, about how he would be heading back to Hogwarts for a second chance.

\---

It was this topic which brought him to 12 Grimmauld Place on a unusually windy August night. Draco stood on the doorstep of the Black family home rang the doorbell.

“Malfoy!” The door swung open to reveal the bright red hair of Ginny Weasley. Draco`s eyes snapped to her face, an apology on his lips.

“Ginevra, I`m so sorry, Harry invited me but-“

“Nonsense!” she interrupted him. “And please, call me Ginny. After everything we`ve lived through, childish Quidditch grudges seem pointless. Harry!” she shouted over her shoulder, beckoning Draco inside. Shutting the door, she helped him hang his coat and wand. At the end of the long hallway, Harry poked his head out. 

“Draco!” he exclaimed. He began walking down the hall, wiping his hands on a towel and setting his glasses right from where they were askew on his nose. He shook Draco`s hand with fervor. “Welcome to our home!”

Draco looked around the entryway and at the couple. “You live together?”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, Sirius left me the place and I figured we might as well move in, fixing it up for once Ginny completes seventh year. We`ll show you around later.”

Draco nodded. “It`s exactly what I would expect from my mother`s family home. I hope you`ve brought a little more light to the place.”

Ginny smiled. “We`re definitely trying. Maybe Narcissa could help, if you think she`d be interested.”

Draco saved that information as they began walking down the hall. Music grew louder as they turned into a brightly lit room, where Draco froze. 

In the kitchen, Hermione Granger was humming as she set the dinner table with a glass of wine in her left hand. In the middle of a phrase, she glanced up and made eye contact with him. The plate dropped the two inches out of her hand to the table, landing with a clatter. The atmosphere of the room tensed as the two stared at each other. 

\---

‘I`m not famous though’- i`m not famous by ajr

Hermione smiled around the warm feeling of the wine in her head, humming along to the song playing. She twirled around the table to set a plate down, glancing up as she heard voices. She met slate gray eyes and froze.

-pleading silently with those eyes as she screamed, a tear rolling down her face as white blond hair walked away-

-the pain in her whole body, the warmth in her arm-

-all alone, always alone-

Her heart raced as she began to breathe heavily. She blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath and a gulp of wine. Setting it down, her eyes flitted over the figure. His hair wasn’t as long as it used to be, he was wearing Muggle clothes this time, his eyes weren’t as sunken, they were in her kitchen. She wasn’t there, she was here.

As Harry reached her elbow in concern, she shook herself off and made herself smile at Draco Malfoy. “Draco, I didn’t know you were coming. Let me set another place.”

The man in question blinked as she turned back to the cabinet. Behind her back, Ginny smiled and nudged Draco forward. He walked forward, careful not to crowd her space as he took a place setting from her. “Hermione, I-“

“Shh, don’t even go there.” She waved her hand. “You`re forgiven, it`s all forgiven. We were kids just trying to survive.” She smiled, forcing her panic down as she reminded herself that she did forgive him, that they were only kids.

Bemused, Draco nodded before they made their way over to the table, rejoining Harry and Ginny. 

\---

“-and then he turned his hair bright red, as if proving that point!” Draco finished, chuckling. The rest of the group laughed at his story of Teddy`s antics. With the joint custody between Andromeda and Harry, it meant that Draco got to see Teddy just as often at Andromeda`s house. A conversation about his future house between Andromeda, Narcissa, and Draco had led to the child turning his hair bright red, as if to signal Gryffindor, much to their horror. 

Everyone laughed at the table, imagining the scene. Ginny wiped away fake tears as Harry grinned and Hermione giggled into her wine glass. Draco smiled; though dinner was awkward at first, thankfully things had smoothed out and they were all enjoying each other`s company.

“Well since life keeps throwing us into each other`s lives, would you like to see the rest of our house?” Harry suggested. Draco nodded as they all rose from the table. 

Hermione nudged Ginny. “And to think that you`re the odd one out here.” Ginny rolled her eyes with a huff as Draco glanced to Harry, confused.

He smiled. “Well, you have a right to this place as a descendant of Black. It was left to me. Hermione has a right to it as my sister, but Ginny has no claim yet.”

Draco stopped. “Sister??!! Are you serious?”

Hermione paused. “Umm, yeah? I don’t know how you could’ve missed it, it was all over the papers.” She muttered angrily. Harry threw an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, I pulled some strings at the Ministry and adopted her as my sister so you cant call her Granger anymore!” He laughed but sent Draco a look that said to not ask questions. “Now you`re just as famous as I am, Hermione, isn’t it great!” 

She shrugged him off with a small smile. “Yeah, okay. I`m going to get a jumper.” She and Ginny headed up the stairs. 

“Make sure you hide everything you don’t want us to see!” Harry shouted up after her, as she flipped him off.

Harry turned to Draco. “Sorry, I assumed you knew.”

Draco shrugged. “No, I don’t keep up with the paper anymore.”

Harry sighed. “I don’t blame you. No, I adopted her after everything with her parents.”

“Her parents?” Draco asked, confused. “They were on his hit list but no one could find them.”

Harry grimaced. “That’s Hermione for you. She Obliviated her parents at the end of sixth year, sent them off to Australia with no memories of her or our world. She had hoped to heal them after the war but no one could do anything; she did her job too well. She had no one anymore and she`s always been a sister to me anyway so I made it official. But we don’t talk about it with her, okay?”

Draco nodded, turning this bit of information over in his mind, feeling sick. His father was the reason she had to do that. He was the reason her father even knew about her. Hermione Potter. That felt both awkward and remarkably normal at the same time. He followed Harry up the steps as the grand tour began.

\---

Hermione and Ginny rejoined the boys on the second floor in front of a row of sour-looking portraits. Draco stared up at the opposing figures as the four stood in a line together.

“My mother will know how to remove them from the wall. I`ll let her know and see if she`d be willing to help.”

Ginny smiled. “That would be amazing, Draco. They`re better now that they aren’t actively trying to hex us but its still daunting to have to walk past them.” She shivered.

Draco nodded. “I know the feeling. Our hall was the same.”

A moment of silence passed before they continued showing Draco the house, leaving that somber mood behind. Hermione watched him as he took in a place which he should know but didn’t. She wondered if he felt like an outsider here, though it should be like home. She stood in the upstairs drawing room for a moment longer, hearing Harry`s voice fade away. She stared at the piano, remembering a time when a different girl sat there. She ran her fingers over the lid, hearing ghosts of a conversation with her two best friends before the war.

“My mother plays.”

Hermione jumped, looking to the doorway to see Draco standing there, pale and jittery. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “She didn’t play for the longest time, because of my father. But she`s started to play again at Andromeda`s. I guess piano was mandatory in that family.”

Hermione`s heart clenched a moment. “If she wants it back, we can-“

Draco shook his head. “No, she`s not ready for that yet. Not in that house.”

They let the silence ring. “Do you play?”

Hermione nodded, dropping her fingers from the lid. “It`s been awhile. The last time I touched it, it was before everything.” She walked away from the piano, joining him at the door. He glanced at her sideways.

“So I have to call you Potter now too, eh?”

She laughed softly. “Please, no, save your disdain for my brother. You can call me Hermione.”

“Well, Hermione, I look forward to getting to know you.”

She smiled. “Me too. No parents or prejudices in the way. Are you going back?”

“To Hogwarts? Yeah. I need to make my resume as appealing as possible so maybe employers look over my name. What about you? Or are you heading straight to the Ministry like Harry?”

She shook her head. “No, I`m not ready to be in the Ministry yet. I`m going back for eighth year. I don’t know what I`m doing after we graduate though. Maybe I`ll just open a bookshop in the Muggle world.”

They began to walk down the stairs, finding Harry and Ginny in the kitchen. Harry shook his head. 

“And here I thought I would have to come and find Draco with his nose broken again.”

They all laughed as they began to clear the table. “Please, we`d only do that for witnesses.” Hermione made her way over to the sink, rolling her sleeves up to start washing dishes.

Ginny snorted. “I don’t believe you.”

-I don’t believe you-  
-I don’t believe you-  
-Pain. Warmth. Screaming. Blood. Hair in her face.-  
-But its true, its true, I don’t lie.-  
-It’s a fake-  
-I`m a fake-  
-Mudblood-  
-Greyback, you can have her-

\---

“Please, you boys could hardly look at each other without combusting into flames.” Ginny laughed. Draco helped the two fold up the tablecloth, carrying it outside and shaking it off before coming back in. Halfway back to the kitchen, they heard a rushing sound, like water on tile.

“Hermione?” Harry rushed, dashing forward and around the corner.

The three of them ran into the kitchen. Hermione stood at the sink, her back to them. Water poured onto the floor as the sink overflowed. She didn’t react.

“Not again,” murmured Ginny, as she stepped past Draco. He watched as the two snapped into action. Ginny shut off the water and pulled Hermione to the table. Harry sat in front of her as Ginny turned back to mop up all the water.

“Hermione? Hey, love, its okay. You`re here now, okay?”

She stared into the distance, unmoving except for her shaking hands. 

“Your name is Hermione Potter. My name is Harry. I`m your brother. You`re in the kitchen at 12 Grimmauld Place. I`m here, Ginny`s here. We just had dinner. You`re wearing a green jumper and jeans. You`re nineteen years old, your favorite color is burgundy. Your favorite flower is a dandelion. You are okay.”

Slowly she began to blink. Draco watched as she brought her eyes down to her hands, where Harry held them and traced a thumb over her knuckles. She heavily looked over to Ginny, who was finishing cleaning up the sink. Her head dropped and she began to take shuddering breaths. Ginny came to her side, pulling her up to a standing position.

“Come on, Hermione, let`s get you cleaned up.”

The girls made their way to the stairs as Harry sat with his head in his hands. Draco stood there awkwardly. 

“Does that happen a lot?”

“What?”

Draco cleared his throat. “By the way you responded, I was wondering if that happens a lot.”

Harry sighed, looking up. “Yeah. The Cruciatus really messed her up.”

He paused. “Not that she`s messed up! She`s still Hermione! She just, forgets sometimes. Combine that with all of the regular PTSD that we all have and she just blanks out. Stuff happens, you know?”  
They both sat in silence.

“Could you-“ Harry began. “Could you keep an eye on her, maybe, at Hogwarts? I know you guys were never friends but if you could look out for her, make sure she`s okay. I wont be there, so many people wont be there. She has Ginny but-”

“I wont tell anyone, Potter. I`ll keep an eye on her if she`ll let me. I could end up making things worse, but I`ll try.”

Harry sighed. “Thank you. And thank you for coming tonight. It really was great to catch up. I`m sorry it had to end like that.” 

Draco shook his head. “No, I understand. Believe me, we all cope in our own ways. Thank you for having me over. I`ll see you around.”

\---

‘and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows’- so it goes by marianas trench

Hermione curled up under a mountain of blankets and tried to ground herself. Something had happened. Things were okay, she was actually getting along with Draco. And then something happened. But she cant remember what. Her brain ran in circles as her heart pounded. Why cant I remember? What happened?

Her door opened, causing her to shoot straight up. Harry raised his hands apologetically.

“Sorry, I should`ve knocked.”

She tried to smile but it cracked.

“Hermione…”

Before she knew it, Harry was at her side, hugging her. 

“Something happened, didn’t it?” She asked in a small voice. “Did I-“

“It was only for a little bit. You were washing dishes and then you went away in your head again.” He assured her. “Draco won`t say a thing, he left shortly after.”

But would he? Would he keep her secret? Or would old rivalries spring up again when they got back to Hogwarts? Hermione shut her eyes. Things would be okay, Harry promised. She felt him nudge her and opened her eyes.

“How is your arm?” he murmured. She sighed and rolled up her sleeve.

When Bellatrix had tortured her that night in Malfoy Manor, the scar she left was carved by a cursed blade. No matter how many spells they tried, it would not heal. If she rubbed at it too harshly, as she often did, it would open up again and bleed. Most of the time, it happened on accident but sometimes, she did it on purpose.

She flinched, coming back to the present moment as Harry peeled the bandage away. She watched the blood swell up, only dripping a few drops down her arm before Harry had cleaned it off and reapplied a new bandage. She sat in silence, leaning her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, `Mione. You know that, right?”

She nodded mutely. “What if this is a mistake, going back?”

He rubbed her back. “Its not. Hogwarts is home, its safe. I think its important to at least give it a go, that it will help you. I`ll always be here if you change your mind.”

She just closed her eyes again. She hoped he was right.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Hogwarts

‘I have to go away, run like the river does’- just like a river does by birdy

On Platform 9 ¾, Hermione Potter had a panic attack. As soon as she stepped through the wall with Harry, the claustrophobic feeling hit her and she began to breathe heavily. Her eyes flitted around at all the students, carrying on like everything was fine. Everything was not fine. Hermione hadn’t been on the Platform in two years, too busy running for her life. How could everyone just go back to normal, like it had never happened?

She hadn’t noticed that she`d frozen to the spot, witches and wizards pushing past her. Children screamed in joy but she heard screams of fear. Her hands began to shake. She couldn’t do this. 

“-`Mione? Deep breaths, okay?”

She forced her eyes to refocus on her brother crouched in front of her. When had she sat down? She mimicked his breathing, with a hand on each other`s chests. Ginny slipped Hermione`s phone out of her pocket, connecting her earbuds and slipping them in to Hermione`s ears. The screams dulled and soft music began to soothe her nerves as she tried to calm herself. A few minutes later, she was calm enough to stand again, framed by Ginny and Harry. She looked around to notice that the Platform had mostly cleared out, except for a few whispering gazes and the agitated conductor. They led her to the train car.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

One step up and she froze, scrabbling at the sides. It was too tight, too close. No air, no space, no safety, nowhere to hide. She tried to go limp and pull away. Quickly, she was picked up and set back on the Platform. She screwed her eyes shut and clenched her hands. 

In and out. You`re okay.

\---

Draco had been standing on the Platform in line when the Potters and Ginny Weasley arrived. He heard the whispers nearly right away. Guiltily, he breathed a sigh of relief that they were no longer focused on him.

-death eater-  
-putting our children in danger-  
-why is he even here-  
-all his fault-

He glanced back at the trio as he stepped up onto the train. Hermione was curled up on the ground, hands clutching her ears and rocking back and forth. Harry crouched in front of her as Ginny fiddled with a rectangular shaped thing. People began to point and blood rushed to his ears.

“HEY!”

Everyone turned to stare at him except for Hermione, in the midst of a panic attack.

“Don’t you all have places to be? Things better to do than oogle the girl who saved all your arses? Move on!” Draco finished, out of breath and shocked at his own outburst. Embarrassed, he quickly jumped into the car. Making his way down to the Slytherin compartment, he grabbed a window seat and looked out the window to see Hermione being pulled off the car in a panic. He opened the window to hear Harry.

“-go on. I`ll Floo her in.” Harry said to Ginny. He watched as she wrung her hands and glanced at her friend in despair. She kissed Harry`s cheek as Draco grimaced and disappeared into the car. As the train began to start up, Harry and Draco made eye contact. Both men nodded firmly once before Draco sat back down and Harry led Hermione off the Platform.

\---

Harry was able to contact McGonagall and take Hermione to Hogwarts by Floo. McGonagall hid her pitying gaze until Hermione had turned away, making eye contact with Harry. Silent promises were exchanged and Harry left after a long hug and a few tears. As Headmistress, McGonagall had little time to linger, leaving Hermione to find her own way to the Great Hall.

Her phone had stopped working on the magical grounds, leaving her without music as she made her way through the halls. Ghosts and whispers of battles and death followed her. Every corner she turned, expecting to see a dead body at her feet or crumbling rubble. But everything was as it was before. And so she floated through the crowds of excited students.

She hoped that there would be a few friendly faces in the Great Hall. Turning to the entrance, she froze as the doors opened.

-bodies, so many bodies-  
-white sheets, dust, blood, so much blood-  
-wailing, Fred, Tonks, Remus-  
-Harry, where was-

“-mione?”

\---

Draco had survived the quiet train ride. Thankfully, the stares were few since not many students came back. Pansy, Blaise, and Theo had found him and they spent the remainder of the trip in silence and small whispers of comfort, updating each other on their new normal. The four of them stuck together as they dismounted the train, trying to ignore the hateful comments and angry glares. They pushed through the crowd of gaping students; they had been able to see the thestrals for years. Their luggage was taken by the house elves as they made their way into the Great Hall. They steeled themselves with deep breaths, making their way to the new eighth years table. 

Most everyone was seated excepting the first years when the doors creaked open. He wasn’t the only one who looked up to see Hermione Potter frozen in the threshold, like a spooked animal. Draco watched as Ginny Weasley quickly stood and made her way over to her friend, pulling her from everyone`s stares with a few words. 

Reaching the eighth years table, Hermione grasped her friend`s wrist for a moment, pleading. Ginny shook her head, pulling free as Neville Longbottom came to the rescue.

“Hey, Hermione!” He wrapped her in a bear hug that only he could provide. After a second, she returned it. Ginny smiled gratefully at him before heading back to the Gryffindor table.

\---

‘You could’ve stayed, but you came here instead to fill my life’s empty pages’- bound by a thread by gaelynn lea

The rest of the feast passed uneventfully. Headmistress McGonagall spoke a few words in remembrance of everything they`d lost; many tears were shed. The first years were sorted and they ate. All too soon, it was over. McGonagall dismissed the Houses except for eighth years. They stood as she made her way over to them, seeming to drop a mask in front of them to reveal how exhausted she truly was.

“First of all, I wanted to thank each and every one of you for braving the journey back here. I know that many of you are hurting and I can say that I am too. But we have to be here for each other. Since you all have grown so much over the last year and are legally of age, I thought it would be best to give you your own quarters. You will be dealing with things, feelings, and memories that other years cannot grasp yet. You deserve space and time. Therefore, this year for you all is a year of healing. You will have your own common room and dorms with one other student. You will only be taking four classes; no more, no less.”

At protests from a few students, McGonagall cut them off. “This year, I want you to focus on finding yourselves. On finding each other. Regardless of house, you will have to rely on each other throughout your entire lives, as you are the only support system you have.”

By this point, they had stopped in front of a large portrait. She turned to them. “There is no password for the portrait unless you all mutually agree on one. Otherwise, the portrait will only recognize and admit you eighth years.” The portrait swung open and she stepped aside to let them through.

Their common room was decorated in neutral tones, avoiding any House colors. There was a fireplace, many comfortable chairs and sofas. To the side, there was also a dining table and small kitchen. A large window covered one wall and stairs curled away to dorms on either side. The students gathered around the room only to pause at the sight of a familiar object.

The Sorting Hat sat on a stool in the center of the room.

“As you all may notice, the Sorting Hat is here. I did not want to do this in front of the other students, as it would be overwhelming and likely dangerous. But you all have endured so much during your years at Hogwarts; you are very different people than who you were when you arrived. Therefore, after much thought and consideration, I have decided that a Resorting is in order.”

Silence echoed for a moment before shouts of outrage erupted from all students.

“But I`ve always been a Gryffindor!”

“I don’t want to be in the same house as them!”

“But our friends-”

“ENOUGH!” McGonagall roared. Then she sighed deeply. “It seems that you all have forgotten that Houses do not define a person. Perhaps none of you were listening at the Sorting ceremony tonight. I will repeat myself.”

“Gryffindor House is for those who desire to fight injustice. Gryffindors are active and obvious in their intentions and actions. They are filled with solid conviction that they fight for what is right.”

“Ravenclaw House is filled with mediators. They seek balance, looking for answers to what bothers them and they never give up on the hunt for knowledge.”

“Hufflepuff House is those who are healers. They take care of anyone and everyone regardless of belief or conviction. They never give up hope and always look for the bright side.”

“Finally, Slytherin House. Slytherin House is not for traitors or dark magic. Slytherin House is for those students who fight for survival, who want to live more than anything, even in the midst of darkness. They value family above all else; family is what you make it. They are willing to do anything to protect those they love.”

McGonagall looked at them all, heads bowed in shame. “And now we will begin the ReSorting. Mr. Longbottom, if you please.”

To no one`s surprise, Neville was destined to stay in Gryffindor. The rest followed quickly. Draco watched Hermione the whole while, even as he was sorted back into Slytherin. Her hands shook as everyone else went before her. Hufflepuff claimed Ernie Macmillian, Hannah Abbot, Lavender Brown, and Theo Nott. Draco wasn’t surprised; Lavender had endured enough and Theo, well, Draco knew how Theo had suffered at the hands of his father. 

Gryffindor consisted of Neville, Seamus, Tracey, and Parvati. Again, Draco agreed with the decisions; there was a certain blind conviction and courage that came with Gryffindors.

Ravenclaw claimed Anthony Goldstein, Dean Thomas, Padma Patil, and Daphne Greengrass. Daphne looked around in panic before meeting Draco`s eyes. He nodded; he wouldn’t hate her for it. They were friends before housemates. Nothing would change.

Hermione`s name was called. Draco watched her eye the Slytherin group; Draco, Blaise, and Pansy. He swallowed as the Hat was placed on her head. Surely the Hat wouldn’t be so blunt about even numbers. Surely there was more to Sorting than that.

“Slytherin.”

Instead of wailing or protesting, Hermione just shut off. Draco saw the light go out behind her eyes as she accepted its decision with no strength to fight. Everyone was silent in shock as she made their way over to their group. The only one that was newly sorted into Slytherin. Gryffindor`s Golden Girl.

Without a comment, McGonagall picked up the Sorting Hat. “I will leave you all to unpack. Your time tables are in your rooms; you will be housed with the same gender of your new House. Please no bloodshed tonight. We have had enough for a century.” And with that, she swept out of the room.

Everyone was too shocked to speak, silently make their way to their rooms. Draco began unpacking in his room with Blaise; nothing had changed for him but he held onto the thought that many had, including one Hermione Potter who was now in Slytherin and housed with Pansy Parkinson.

\---

Slytherin? Hermione shook her head as she made her way into her new dorm, clutching her arm. Although, with McGonagall`s explanation, it did make sense. She had done everything to keep her family safe, both her parents and her wizarding family. She wanted to survive and live. So Slytherin it was.

But her Gryffindor family. How would Harry react? Or Ginny? Or any of the Weasleys? Did Neville hate her now? She dug her palms into her eyes as she forced herself to breathe. She couldn’t worry about this now.

Tossing her beaded bag onto the bed, she began to pull items out one by one. She filled her wardrobe and dresser with her clothes, coats, and sweaters. Her shoes lined up at the bottom of her bed, books were stacked under her bed after she ran out of shelf room. She began making the bed with her many extra blankets when a quiet voice interrupted her.

“Undetectable Extension Charm?”

She glanced up to see Pansy Parkinson across the room, unpacking her own things. She hadn’t looked up to ask the question. Hermione nodded, clearing her throat. “Yes.” She responded, just as quiet and timid.

And that was the extent of the words they exchanged that night.

\---

-Greyback held her body up against his, smothering her body with his wandering hand-  
-held her down on the Manor`s floor-  
-pain-  
-screaming-  
-blood-  
-it was cold…so cold-  
-bellatrix screaming in her ear-  
-harry is dead-  
-ron is gone-  
-they don’t remember you, ms granger-  
-you are alone-

Hermione shot awake, heart pounding as she grasped the sheets. She breathed heavily and tears streamed down her cheeks. Casting curtains around her bed, she ripped off her bandage, the pain grounding her in the moment. She watched as blood dripped out of her scar. Was her blood really dirty or was it her?

After a few minutes, she spread salve over it and rebandaged it. She magicked the blood away as she slid out of bed. Pulling on a jumper, she also wrapped a blanket around herself. It was 2:45 in the morning; there was no point in trying to sleep again. She crept out of the room and down to the kitchen.

At the stove, she began making hot cocoa, focusing on her breathing and the dull, burning, ache on her forearm. The stirring helped fill the silence. When it was ready, she poured it into a mug and turned to the couches. A figure cleared their throat and she whimpered, mug sliding from her grasp.

“Arresto momentum!” the figure stood and saved her cocoa from shattering and spilling over the floor. He stooped to pick it up and handed it back to her. She stood frozen, eyes flitting over him and trying to identify him.

Threat? Fight? Flight?

“Granger?”

Her brows furrowed as annoyance snapped her out of her petrified state. “Its Potter, actually.”

The man raised his hands in surrender, chuckling. “Sorry, force of habit.” He made his way back to the sofa. Finally, her brain catalogued him; Theo Nott, former Slytherin and now a Hufflepuff.

\---

‘Have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?  
Have I bit my tongue one too many times?  
Have I said it all the way I really meant to’- older by ben platt

She watched him curl up on the sofa with a similar mug in his hand. He picked up a Fire Whisky bottle from the coffee table and poured a generous helping into his mug. He looked up to find her still watching him warily.

“Want some?” He raised the bottle to her.

Gryffindor Hermione would’ve primly stated, ‘no thank you’, and marched straight back to her room. But Slytherin Hermione had nightmares and terrors and panic attacks and god, she just wanted it all to go away. She set her shoulders and made her way over to the couch in all the regality of her blanket cape, sitting down on the corner opposite him and leaning forward with her mug extended.

He grimaced. “It might taste terrible with cocoa but-” he shrugged, pouring a small bit into her mug. She sipped it. It did taste terrible. But it felt warm so she continued sipping away. They observed each other subtly before she broke the silence.

“More please.” She held out her mug to him, a challenge in her eyes as he nodded approvingly and refilled her cup.

“So. Nightmares?” he asked.

She nodded, the lull of the fire and Fire Whisky dulling her panic. She took another drink, pulling her arm in close to her body.

“I get them too.” Theo remarked. “My father was shit even before he became a Death Eater. I`m glad he`s off in Azkaban so I don’t have reason to flinch at slammed doors and the like.”

She stared into the fire. “I Obliviated my parents. Its irreversible.”

“I guess being the brightest witch of our age is a curse, then.”

She nodded. “After everything, all the times I did the boys` homework, all my grades, all the battles I`ve fought, I`d rather not be the brightest witch anymore.”

Theo grinned sadly. “Well, here`s to failing expectations!”

They clinked mugs.

Hermione broke the silence again. “That’s why I`m not surprised by Slytherin, you know? I`m tired of having to be Gryffindor, all brave and courageous like. I just want to breathe, to live, to survive.”

Theo nodded. “Well, that’s definitely Slytherin. We`ve always been that way. Family first. Our family. Me, Blaise, Pansy, Draco, even Daphne. Our parents brainwashed us, abused us, we got fucking blamed for every dark thing. But we had each other. We`d do anything to keep us alive. The amount of times we`ve patched each other up or drunk through the night just so we could see the sun….” He trailed off.

Hermione stared at him before trying to set her mug down. It was empty again; she missed the table the first time before squinting and setting it down carefully. She looked at Theo and held up a corner of her blanket. He smiled and they both curled up underneath it.

“What do you dream about?” she asked.

“My dad. Memories. Having to face my family from the other side of the courtyard. You?” 

“The woods. Greyback. The Burrow burning. Harry dead. Bel- that night. Things get mixed up sometimes.”

Theo nodded. He was nice and warm. She supposed she should be more afraid, that she should be panicking, but whether it was the whisky or the company, things were okay.

“I don’t like sleeping.” She continued. The alcohol was to blame, definitely.

“Same here. Too vulnerable. Too many things in my head. Part of the reason I was relieved to be put in Hufflepuff. No more thinking, no more surviving. There was too much darkness in it for me, with the way we were treated. But now that you`re here, Golden Girl, maybe you can bring some light.”

She laughed. “Fuck that title. I hate it. Why is it my job to be the light? Like it was my job to make sure Harry and Ron passed their classes and survived? I don’t want it to be my job anymore.”

Theo looked into her eyes. “What do you want, Hermione?”

Her heart pounded. What did she want? She didn’t want to have to try anymore. She just wanted to be okay. 

“Everyone wants me to be smart and successful. But like, what if I didn’t? What if I just, don’t?”

Theo nodded sagely, like he understood. Maybe he did.

She blurted out “Can we be friends?”

She felt his chest rumble in laughter. “I mean, I guess, now that you`re a Slytherin and all. I`ll be my new, healing Hufflepuff self and you can be a Slytherin trying to survive. And we can drink Fire Whisky and not sleep and sometimes talk about feelings.”

“Sounds good. In the meantime, pour me some more.”

Their laughter echoed quietly in the common room, two souls fighting against the torrent of memories seeking to drag them under.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody, i`ve written almost 15,00 words in the past 48 hours for this story. its a crazy journey. this is the first time i`ve written in a month due to personal emotional and mental circumstances and i dont know how i feel. its finals week, im stressed, i dont have a lot of confidence in my writing, but here i am.  
> please let me know what you think, comment and subscribe! i look forward to posting more!
> 
> (yes, i will share the playlist once this fic is completed)


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: brief mention of sexual assault, nothing graphic  
> also, trauma, ptsd, panic attack, flashbacks.

‘I just wanted you to know, this is me trying’- this is me trying by taylor swift

Hermione didn’t bother trying to sober up before classes. Drunk, she didn’t feel the weight of the ghostly stares and memories of bodies lining the halls. Drunk, she didn’t hear the screams. So she smiled as she dressed and glided down the Great Hall, snagging a muffin before skipping away to classes. On another plane of existence, she made her way into her Potions classroom. She wasn’t too drunk to notice how most of the other eighth years had matching dark circles under their eyes. 

But she was drunk enough to spot Theo with an empty seat next to him. Theo was nice. Theo was safe. She slid in next to him with a bright smile and unfocused eyes.

“Partners?” she offered.

He nodded. “That sounds good. I`ll even do my portion of the work, how about that!”

She laughed. “That`ll be a new thing!”

\---

After Potions, Hermione headed to Herbology. By this time, the alcohol was starting to wear off and her hangover was setting in. She sat at a bench, determined to keep to herself. Professor Sprout bustled into the room right on time.

“Alright, students, I`m sure you were made aware of McGonagall`s intentions for you all this year?”

Everyone nodded.

Professor Sprout clapped her hands. “Good. Last year was a very difficult year. For all of us.” She paused of a moment. “Which is why, this year, we will be doing a little project.”

She made her way over to her side table. “We have been gifted with a crop of seedlings for very rare spirit trees. These trees will bond to you; as you heal and grow, so will the seedling, until one day, you are able to plant it wherever you feel most at home in the world. It will nourish you and ground you.” 

She placed a small seedling in front of each student. Hermione sighed; this was ridiculous. A tree couldn’t help you heal from a freaking war. She felt anger tighten in her stomach as she began potting the plant. Pushing soil in around it, she paused as a feathery light touch grazed her palm. She slowly looked down; the seedling was curling into her hand, as if it wanted to be held.

She allowed herself to release some tension; it really was quite cute, she thought.

\---

The fragile peace that had developed in her quickly died. Her next class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Hermione had to cross the courtyard to get there and every step increased the pounding in her ears.

-someone died there-  
-why don’t you know their name-  
-that`s where you stood when harry was dead-

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Hermione rushed into the DADA classroom and took a seat near the back. Clenching her hands, she focused on the sensation of her fingernails in her palms. She closed her eyes. Felt her pulse in her arm as she pulled it closer.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

She opened her eyes to take in her surroundings. The classroom looked the same. It felt wrong. The sick feeling in her gut tightened when she saw who was sitting in the front row.  
Theo and Draco.

Theo, who she`d spent the morning drunk with. Who knew too much.

Draco, who had seen her at home. Who saw too much.

Maybe they hadn’t changed at all. Maybe it was all just a lie. They knew about her. They would come after her. 

Her breathing quickened again as her heart sped up pace. Someone was speaking but she couldn’t hear them. All she heard was

-danger-  
-danger-  
-pain-  
-mudblood-  
-liar-  
-liar-  
-where is it-  
-where is it-  
-I don’t believe you-

“Miss Gra- Miss Potter?”

The professor`s voice cut through the voices. She blinked. Everyone was staring. Who was the professor? Did they say? What were they asking?

“I asked if you could demonstrate a protective shield charm, Miss Potter.”

Hermione blinked.

-ron bleeding out-  
-‘protego’ with shaking bloody hands-  
-‘why didn’t you set the shields”-  
-‘he could smell my perfume’-

Memories choked her as she forced out. “No, I don’t believe I will, Professor.”

They turned away, disappointed, as Hermione fought to stay present, stay focused. She stared into a spot above the board as class droned by. She didn’t realize it was over until students started passing her desk. Packing up her bag with shaking hands, she practically ran out of the classroom and straight to the bathroom. Locking the stall door, she leaned against the wall and clutched her fists in her hair, forcing deep breaths. Her scar was bleeding through her sleeve at this point.

She slid down to the floor with her head between her knees as a familiar voice broke the silence.

“You know, I do that too, sometimes.”

Hermione`s head shot straight up, coming face to face with Moaning Myrtle seated on the toilet seat in front of her, a sad look on her face. 

“I`m sorry, are you talking to me?” Hermione said.

Myrtle gestured to her. “I sit like that. Cry like that, too. It gets very lonely, you know. Being the one to always remember. To watch everyone else go by and pretend that life`s fine. When I`m the ghost.”

Hermione nodded as another tear slipped out. “I cant stop seeing them all.”

Myrtle nodded. “Well, at least you have friends. All my friends are dead. I`ve seen a lot of other people come in here too. But nobody want to talk about it except to poor old me.”

“But are they ever really dead, Myrtle?”

\---

By the time Hermione made her way out of the bathroom, History of Magic was nearly over. Hermione barely cared, instead making her way straight to her room. She threw her bag to the floor and curled up in the middle of her bed, covering herself with blankets and hoping to wake up somewhere else.

\---

‘you know you can call on me when you need somebody’ – call on me by grace grundy

“HERMIONE! WAKE UP!”

A voice nearly shouted as Hermione sprang out of bed. She grabbed her wand and pointed at the voice before her brain focused.

Pansy Parkinson.

Pansy Parkinson was sitting on her bed.

Her confusion and apprehension must have been obvious because Pansy rolled her eyes.

“You were screaming.”

Hermione lowered her wand. Nightmares. Sometimes she remembered, sometimes she didn’t.

“I`m sorry, I must have forgotten to put up wards.” She put her wand down, expecting backlash from the Slytherin girl, and subtly pulled down her sleeve further.

“You know, they were all taking bets about what caused the great Hermione Granger to skip class.” Pansy stated, unmoving.

“Its Potter now.” Hermione muttered. Pansy snorted.

“As if. Tell me, was a Potter in Gryffindor not enough? Did you have to come here too and ruin our family by becoming a little Slytherin?”

“I DON’T KNOW WHY I`M HERE!” Hermione shouted, before slapping her hand over her mouth in shock. A half sob escaped her. Pansy sat back with wide eyes. The silence threatened to drown them.

“I get them too.” Pansy muttered. “The nightmares.”

Hermione swallowed. “I just, I cant face them all. I cant face the nightmares and the ghosts and everyone. I cant be Hermione Granger anymore, I cant. That girl died a long time ago. Everywhere I look in this castle, all I can see are bodies and how, maybe, if I had paid more attention, that first year wouldn’t have died, or maybe, if I could run faster, that fifth year wouldn’t have bled out in front of his friends, or maybe, if I hadn’t been such a prat in school, maybe people could see me as a human instead of some perfect bookworm hanging of the savior`s arm.”

Pansy pulled out her wand and Hermione flinched, only to watch Pansy levitate a box of chocolates over. She opened it and began eating one before nudging it over to Hermione.

“You know, when I was a child, my parents had Fenrir Greyback over for dinner one night.”

Hermione froze with a chocolate halfway to her mouth as her heart began pounding.

“I`ll never forget how he pushed me up against the wall, claiming he was on his way to the kitchens. I`ll never forget how when I screamed, my parents didn’t come running. They just sat in the dining room, listening, while he touched me.”

She grabbed another piece of chocolate while Hermione sat in shock. “I`ll also never forget the absolute joy and freedom I felt seeing his body dragged out to the courtyard and watching you hex him one last time. It almost felt like it was me. And even though I was dragged away to the dungeons for questioning, I had a smile on my face because the Golden Girl had done something precisely for me, even though she didn’t know it.”

She looked into Hermione`s wide eyes. “I don’t hate you, Hermione. I hate everything that has been put between us. I hate that we both have to put silencing spells over our beds because we`re too afraid that our new roommate will hear us scream in our nightmares and use it against us.”

She extended her hand. “I`d like to be friends with this new Hermione. Maybe the both of us can survive this again.”

Hermione swallowed and carefully reached out a shaking hand to grasp Pansy`s own quivering wrist. “Me too.” They sat for a moment before letting go of each other`s hands.

Hermione cleared her throat and pulled her knees up to her chin. “When I was there…in the Manor, that night, Bel- she offered me to him. And I don’t remember what happened because, well, the Cruciatus made everything fuzzy. It fades in and out. So I don’t know if my nightmares are real or not, but regardless of whether or not I can relate, I am honored and fucking relieved that I was able to do that for you. No one should’ve been touched by him. You shouldn’t have to remember that, we shouldn’t have to be bonding over this, this is sick. He deserved so much more pain. He deserved to suffer.”

Pansy smiled awkwardly as they sat in silence. She began boxing up the chocolates. “Well, how about dinner?”

\---

‘I've been so worried, you've been so still, barely beating at all, oh, don’t leave me here alone’ -hello my old heart by the oh hellos

Pansy and Hermione made their way into the Great Hall, ignoring stares and whispers, before sitting down at the eighth year table. Hermione caught Ginny`s eye once from across the room before Ginny made her way over to the table.

“Hermione! Are you okay? The whole school is saying you skipped a class! What`s going on?” she demanded.

Hermione looked at Ginny before patting the seat next to her. “I`m okay, Ginny. I just needed a moment. It was a long day. Thankfully, Pansy here helped get me down here so I have her to thank.”

Ginny looked over at Pansy, doubtful. “And why are you associating with her?”

Hermione looked down in her lap. “Because-because eighth years were all resorted and I`m a Slytherin now and she`s my roommate and she`s not that bad-“

“-and she`s sitting right here.” Pansy crossed her arms and glared at Ginny, who stood in shock.

“You`re a what now?”

“Slytherin.”

“That`s ridiculous! Its laughable! Its preposterous! Its unacceptable!”

“Ginny,” Hermione clenched her eyes shut and dug her nails in to her palms. “I cant be a Gryffindor right now, I just cant. I cant be courageous and strong. I need this, okay? Slytherin isn’t bad, Slytherin is safe for me right now. I need space from all the Gryffindor glory because that’s not me! I cant-“

Ginny cut her off, taking her hands and forcing them to relax. “Hermione, that’s okay, I trust you. It was just a bit of a shock.” She glanced over at Pansy. “A lot of things are right now. A lot of things are different. But there`s nothing wrong with starting over. Just don’t forget.”

Hermione`s breath shuddered. “That’s the problem, I cant forget.”

Pansy reached over the table. “Then we`ll remember together. We`ll get through this together.”

Ginny looked at the girl appraisingly. “I guess we all have our ghosts, then.” She squeezed Hermione`s hand before walking back to the Gryffindor table.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She and Pansy tried to eat a little bit but quickly found themselves running from the stairs back up to their room. And if they woke each other up from nightmares only to talk into the morning, well, no one knows but them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i`ve been going through it emotionally so writing is slow coming. pls enjoy this chapter and comment any ideas or anything! when i have the energy, i will respond!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hermione begins to trust those around her  
> i cant do chapter summaries

‘I don’t want to go out, I just want to stay at home’ house party by anja kotar

“Care if I join you?”

Hermione looked up from her assignment at the breakfast table to see Theo standing above her and Pansy with a smile on his face. Hermione froze. Was he safe?

His smiled faded as he saw her hesitation, replaced by concern. “Hermione? You good?”

She took a deep breath. “Y-yeah. That’s okay.”

He sat down across from her, still watching her face. Throughout his conversation with Pansy about some new album, she kept glancing up at him. Finally, he spoke.

“Hermione, is something wrong?”

She clenched her hands. “I just- I`m not blaming you, its probably just my head making things up, but are you safe? Like, you`re being nice to me for real? Not as a joke or anything? I don’t want to insult you but I don’t know whats real half the time and I don’t know if I imagined our conversation and then I saw you talking to Draco and my mind ran with it and I`m just really scared because everything`s different and confusing and-”

“Hermione, if you don’t slow down you`re going to pass out.” He joked. “I am talking to you because you are an interesting person and we all need some friends right now. I understand why you`re scared but I can promise you, I`m not going to hurt you like that. Now stop worrying, your croissant is getting cold.”

They smiled awkwardly before diving back into breakfast. Eventually, everything felt more relaxed. Hermione didn’t feel herself tensing up every time Theo asked her a question. She actually found herself laughing as Pansy shared stories of Theo`s antics from years before. It was sad how she never heard any of the good stories from Slytherin.

\---

Draco was very confused. Not only were Hermione and Pansy seemingly getting along at the breakfast table, but Theo was also sitting with them. The three seemed to be laughing together. Enjoying each other`s company. The stars must have aligned or something.

He kept his distance though. He didn’t belong there with them. Because of her. Because of everything he`d done and hadn’t done. Because he was the reason for her panic attacks.

So he stayed back, watching as she dissociated in classes, absent in her mind and smelling like whisky. He replied to Harry`s letters, letting him know that she was getting along as well as could be expected. He buried himself in his schoolwork, knowing that he was the top of the class only because she wasn’t doing well.

But it was awkward, to know that two of his best friends were close with Hermione.

He trudged back to the eighth year common room with Blaise. As soon as the portrait swung open, however, they were met with the sound of music and laughter. Stepping through, they saw the new trio in the kitchen. Theo turned on their arrival.

“Hey! I feel like I haven’t seen you guys in forever!” he smiled, hugging Draco and Blaise. Blaise rolled his eyes.

“You literally see us in class every day.”

Theo huffed. “I mean, hang out. Come on, we`re making cookies.”

Through the kitchen entrance, Hermione and Pansy were mixing up cookie dough. They both looked up; Pansy broke into a smile while Hermione froze.

“Hey! You`re only allowed in here if you promise to not eat all the cookie dough.” She demanded, a spoon in her hand. “Right, Hermione?”

The girl smiled blankly before turning back to the dough. Draco came over to Hermione.

“Is it okay if I`m here?” he asked quietly.

She nodded slowly. “Yeah, its okay.”

Theo turned to Blaise. “Hermione, this is Blaise, your other Slytherin counterpart.”

“Nice to meet you.” Hermione offered.

“You as well.”

It took a few minutes but the awkwardness faded, leaving the five students in constant defense of the cookie dough against each other. Drinks were poured, the music was turned up. Draco was relieved to watch Hermione`s skittishness fade away. From his seat on the couch, he watched as Hermione got up and swayed to the kitchen, singing along to the song playing as she spun around. Pansy twirled her while Blaise helped her pull the cookies from the oven. They all laughed when Theo tried to eat one right away, burning his mouth.

“Draco, come on! Stop sulking!” Hermione shouted at him, waving him over with a smile. He couldn’t help the grin that came to his face as he joined his friends by the stove.

\---

‘I know it hurts, it's hard to breathe sometimes, these nights are long, you've lost the will to fight’ carry you by ruelle, fleurie

It had been over two weeks of classes and Hermione could feel the tension building. All the eighth years were still so cautious around each other, she hadn’t been sleeping, and she still faced ghosts everywhere she looked. She sat in her History of Magic classroom and stared out the window. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Today, students we will beginning a new unit and the true focus of our course this year.” The professor droned on. Was it Stirthatch? Hermione couldn’t remember.

“The main focus of our course this year is to learn about our current history; mainly the events of the past few years and what caused those events, what in the past built things up to the way they are now.”

Hermione sucked in a breath as the class went silent. It was too soon. It was too much, too soon. Her heart began to pound and she knew she wasn’t the only one, by the sounds of labored breathing around her.

“So we will begin with the most basic information from a factual standpoint. Last year, decades of wizarding conflict concluded in a battle between Voldemort and his followers against the wizarding world, here at Hogwarts. Many lives were lost but even more were saved. Now students, what do you think was one cause for the tension between these two groups of people?”

Hermione`s vision blurred and her breath hitched. She couldn’t do this. The whispers set in again.

-Fred`s dead-  
-Remus and Tonks are dead-  
-There was a body right there on those steps-  
-There was a student who used to sit there in that empty seat-

The sound of her chair scraping against the floor broke the silence. All eyes turned to look at her but she couldn’t see them. Standing, she began packing up her books, nearly dropping them as her hands shook.

“Miss Potter, what on earth are you doing?”

Hermione shook her head, eyes flitting around. “You don’t- you don’t get it. You just- you just talked over it like it didn’t exist, like- like it didn’t happen. But it did happen- it happened and there are empty desks in here and you just summed it up in a sentence like their lives didn’t matter? Like what we went through is something to be analyzed and studied?”

She slammed her chair into the desk. “We don’t want to think about it. We want to move on; its not our fault and its over, okay? We were just kids. But we cant forget it, because of people like you and the fact that every time we close our eyes or try to sleep, we see their bodies and hear their screams. I cant- this isn’t an objective factual topic, we lived this. I`m not doing this.”

Her blood rushed in her ears as she walked out of the classroom.

-get away, get away-  
-space-  
-safety-  
-too much, too many feelings-  
-run, get out, need air-

\---

‘Call it a rivalry, call it a fight, call it what you want but I need you tonight’ the black and white by the band CAMINO

Draco sat in silence as Hermione walked out of the classroom with tears in her eyes. He looked around at his fellow students who all sat back in shock. Not only were they all feeling the same emotions, but Hermione just walked out of class. Hermione. Walked out.

Slowly, Draco stood from his chair and grabbed his bag. Theo, Blaise, and Pansy followed seconds after. Neville and Seamus stood and soon the whole class was walking out of the History of Magic classroom, ignoring their professor`s shouts.

They made their way back to the common room in silence. Pansy quickly dashed to her room but came back, pale.

“She`s not there.”

Draco sighed. “I`ll go look for her.”

He left his somber classmates in the common room and headed to the library. She wasn’t there either. Where else would Hermione go?

An idea struck him. Walking up to the Room of Requirement, he closed his eyes.

I need to find Hermione.

The door appeared and he walked through, finding himself in the Astronomy Tower. His heart began to beat rapidly. He hadn’t been there since…He didn’t want to remember, he didn’t want to go up there. He backed out of the Room of Requirement and crouched down, taking deep breaths. He had to.

Clenching his fists, he began the long climb up to the Tower. By the time he stepped onto the landing, he was shaking but his eyes quickly zeroed on Hermione`s figure, curled up against one of the pillars. Carefully, he made his way over and slid down to the floor against the one next to her. 

“I haven’t been up here since…that night.” He offered.

She didn’t respond.

“You know, we all walked out right after you. You were right, but we weren’t brave enough on our own. I`m sure if we all stayed, there would’ve been a lot of panic attacks going around right about now.”

She sighed a shuddering breath. “I just cant- I just cant stop seeing them.” She whispered. “I cant stop-“ she broke off and gripped her left arm. Draco felt sick; he knew what scar was under her sleeve.

“Hermione, I-“

“I was scared, after you came over during the summer. That we would come back and you`d pretend like nothing happened or go back to the way things were. And now I`m a Slytherin and friends with all your friends and we made cookies together, for goodness` sake. I just don’t understand.” She whispered.

Draco sighed. “I think we both have demons right now. And we might as well stick together. We`ve saved each other`s lives a few times, I think that fair grounds for friendship.”

She snorted. A few moment passed before she spoke again.

“Draco? What if they never go away?” she asked quietly.

He didn’t answer for a moment, because what if she was right? “I don’t know, I guess we`ll just find ways to ignore them? To remember them but not let it overwhelm us.”

She nodded and leaned back, looking up into the sky. “We saw some of the most beautiful stars when we were running. We got to see so many places, sometimes you could almost forget that we were running.”

He looked up too. “And that one`s mine.” He added, pointing up at his constellation. She laughed.

“Only you.” Eyes smiling, she looked over at him. They stared at each other for a moment in peace. 

“Do you ever wonder who we could’ve been? Without all of this? Maybe I was always meant to be Slytherin, maybe we`d be Head Boy and Head Girl right now with nothing to worry about except our next exam.” Hermione wondered, watching Draco`s face. He shrugged and she looked away.

“I always worried about you, you know. Harry was so quick to blame you for everything, but I noticed. I saw a bit of myself in you and watched you fall apart, knowing that I could be next. I still feel guilty, that I never reached out. We could’ve been friends so much sooner.”

Draco watched her for a moment before moving closer. “Second year in the bookstore, I was afraid for you. I didn’t know what my father would do to you there. I wanted to stand up, the same feeling I got on that night. That`s when I realized, watching you there, that all of my pretending wasn’t making anything better. I wish I could’ve saved you before you had to suffer like that.” He said honestly.

In response, Hermione leaned over so that her head rested on his shoulder. “You did, though. I always knew that you would make the right choice in the end. No git like you could be as pretty as you are without a redemption story.” She added jokingly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you think I`m pretty?”

She laughed. “Don’t let it go to your head, Malfoy.”

He wrapped an arm around her gently, afraid to ruin this moment. They were so fragile on their own already. But this was okay. More than okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, i`m back! im so sorry that i havent posted in so long. i cant remember the last time i actually wrote anything.   
> my depression has been really bad these last few months and i havent been good. but im going to try and keep writing because it makes me happy, even if its just to talk to you guys. even if some chapters are less than my usual caliber. i hope you guys enjoy; now i have to go re-read all my stories because i cant remember anything i`ve written.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i honestly dont remember writing this but i did so here :)

‘one step after another, keep holding on to each other  
don't look back, move on and let go’

tightrope-nia hendricks

They slipped back into the common room at 1am, only to see everyone`s sleepless faces around on the couches. Pansy quickly got up and wrapped her in her arms, followed by Theo and then Blaise. Neville poured a mug of some concoction for her, which Hermione gratefully took and then climbed into the blanket nest with Draco and the others.

Daphne spoke first. “So what do we do?”

Seamus grimaced. “Well, we`ll probably have to meet with McGonagall tomorrow for our behavior.” He gulped down a shot of something in despair.

“But I cant take that class, I cant do that!” Lavender burst out, nearly in tears. Hermione nodded, feeling for the girl. Padma wrapped her arms around Lavender as they sat in silence.

“Well,” Draco began. “Maybe we could propose an alternative.”

They all looked at him in apprehension and interest.

He squirmed under the attention. “What if we wrote our history instead?”

Hermione bit her lip. “That could work. We could propose that since we lived through it, we could write an account of what we went through, maybe use it as a memorial type thing.”

Everyone nodded and a few sniffles were heard. “Yeah, that would be good.” Parvati added thickly. 

A few more minutes of silence passed before Blaise spoke. “Do- do we want to talk about it?”

No one spoke.

“We could go around and share.”

Hermione snorted. “Like Muggle therapy.”

Most of the others looked at her in confusion; she sighed. “Its where Muggles go, sometimes alone or in groups, to talk about their trauma and terrible things they’ve lived through. Like war or abuse or depression. I tried to go but since all of my trauma revolves around the wizarding world, there wasn’t much I could talk about.”

She swallowed and buried herself closer to Draco. “I cant stop seeing their bodies. Everywhere I go, I see and hear them.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Neville spoke up.

“So many people thank me for killing off that snake, they praise me, but every time I think of it, I don’t feel brave. I only feel afraid; that’s the only reason I did it. Because I was afraid that it was going to kill you and Ron. I didn’t think, I wasn’t a hero. But as awful and evil as that snake was, I`ll never forget the feeling of slicing through a living thing.” He shuddered, looking sick.

Anthony spoke up. “I was hiding when it happened. Everyone was trying to get out but I just hid. And the whole time, I wondered what I was going to come out to. I didn’t know if the world on the other side of my door would be full of Voldemort or freedom, hell, I didn’t even know if I`d ever leave that room.”

“I remember the look on my father`s face.” Theo grit out. “Seeing him across the courtyard, his anger and rage that I wasn’t on his side, the fear that my own father might kill me.” He snorted. “After all the times he almost did kill me with his fists, I don’t know why I was afraid of a simple spell.”

“I remember watching the Weasleys and thinking ‘oh god, where is my sister? What if that is about to be me?’.” Padma shared, grasping Parvati`s hand. “We didn’t know if the other was alive for hours. I`d never felt so alone.”

“I couldn’t find my little sister either.” Ernie shared. “They separated us by year and I kept thinking, how was I going to tell mum?”

Lavender looked up. “I thought I was going to bleed out there under him. I felt like I was watching myself give up; no matter how I struggled, I couldn’t get away from him. I remember thinking, ‘does anyone even notice that its me? Does anyone care?’.”

Pansy cleared her throat. “I know the feeling.” She said quietly. The room fell silent. “My parents didn’t stop him.” And Lavender reached across the table to grasp the Slytherin girl`s hand in a moment of comfort and shared pain.

Hannah spoke next. “I was in the Great Hall afterwards, trying to heal everyone but so many died in my arms. I wanted to save them all, I should’ve been able to heal them all. But instead I had to hold them as they died.”

Draco cleared his throat. “I remember looking across the courtyard at Harry`s body and thinking that it was truly over, that hope was gone, that I hadn’t had enough time to be good again. But then I saw my mother across from me and Lucius` grip on her arm and I didn’t know how to save her except for to drag myself across those bricks and betray everyone else I loved.”

Surprisingly, no one jeered at him or hexed him, just nodded in understanding.

Hermione sniffled. “I watched Harry walk away from me to his death, just like Ron had left, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to fix this or save him and he just left me and I remember feeling so useless and alone, like nothing I had done the past seven years had been worth anything to that point and I had nothing left. I felt so empty and then the sadness just poured in.”

“How do we keep going?” Tracey murmured.

“Well clearly none of us know.” Seamus muttered. “That’s why we`re in this mess.”

Everyone stared at the fire. “I guess we tackle tomorrow first.” Pansy offered.

\---

They were right to assume that McGonagall would be waiting for them the next day. They firmly but patiently explained that they couldn’t take that class but would gladly write a project instead.

McGonagall sighed. “While I wish the situation was handled better, I cannot fault you for your reaction. I will accept your proposed project. Perhaps it could one day be added to the Library catalogue.”

And so their class schedule decreased to three courses. Hermione sincerely enjoyed Potions class with Theo and was making great progress in Herbology with her spirit tree. DADA was bearable but usually resulted in a panic attack afterwards. She came to the habit of spending that time with Moaning Myrtle, proving to her that no one would be forgotten and talking about those who had been.

Most of the school now knew about the Resorting, five weeks into the year. Fortunately, it stayed as gossip and rumors, rather than angry confrontations. Hermione should’ve known better, though, than to let her guard down, because there were those outside of Hogwarts who cared very much.

\---

‘cause when you said jump, I said how high?  
but when I jumped, you said goodbye’

walked through hell-anson seabra

It was a chilly autumn Saturday as Hermione stood in Tomes and Scrolls with Draco Malfoy. The eighth years had come to Hogsmeade Village for the day, quickly breaking off into groups. Pansy and Theo had just left them to book a table at The Hog`s Head while Hermione grabbed her last minute purchases. She smiled to herself; Draco didn’t complain about wandering around a musty bookstore. In fact, she`d even venture to say that she`d enjoyed her time with him today. She hadn’t lied during their talk in the Astronomy Tower where she`d said he was attractive. But they were healing and the world was not understanding so she didn’t say another word. They laughed as they exited the store, walking down the street to the pub.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” a voice shouted as Hermione felt a tightening around her neck. Choking, she spun around to find her Slytherin scarf in the hands of a familiar ginger haired man and raven haired boy with glasses and a shocked expression.

“Ron-“ Hermione stuttered, shocked at his presence, let alone his outburst.

“Ron, what are you-“ Harry tried to interject.

“Imagine, `Mione, I`m traveling, having a grand old time, only to pick up a paper and discover that you`ve moved in with the Death Eaters! What are you doing?”

Hermione sighed, calmly trying to explain. “Ron, they`re not Death Eaters. And it was the Sorting Hat. It recognized that I`ve changed, Ron. Slytherin isn’t about darkness, its about survival. Isn’t that something that you think we`ve all grown attached to after everything?”

“Not bloody likely! For Godric`s sake, Hermione, just let go of everything already! All I hear about anymore is that you`re just moping around. And hanging around with Malfoy? Are you serious? Do you have your own little Slytherin posse now?”

“Ron-“

“And here I would’ve thought that being tortured on his floor would’ve knocked some sense into you.”

Draco drew in a sharp gasp, watching this unfold. A small crowd began to gather subtly; he moved to step forward but Ron kept going.

“I was planning on coming up this weekend to surprise you! I waited for you, Hermione. I waited. I told you I needed time to travel, you said you needed space to heal. So I gave you that! Just like I waited for seven years already! But now you need to grow up and come home.”

“You`re not home, Ron.” Hermione said firmly. “We ended things. It was very clear. I`m sorry if you misunderstood. But I don’t have feelings for you like that.”

“Oh but youre willing to be his whore?”

“Ron, that’s enough!” Harry shouted, trying to drag him away. But Ron shoved him off.

“After all we`ve been through, Hermione, and everything I sacrificed for you, you have the audacity to-“

“I did the sacrificing, Ron!” Hermione shouted, near tears. “I was the one who did your homework. I was the one who stood by while you had your issues sixth year. I was the one who gave up everything to follow you two. I was the one who researched Horcruxes and found the answers. I was the one who forced herself to turn into her torturer just to help this stupid war. I lost my parents, Ron! I had to look them in the eye and say nothing as they asked me if they knew me! I was the one who stayed when you left. YOU LEFT US! In the middle of the woods! In the middle of a war! A war we promised to fight!”

“People died, Ron! It happened. And I keep seeing their faces and thinking I`m going crazy; there are much more important things going on right now rather than what house I`m in! Open up your eyes and look around for once in your life!”

Harry finally managed to get a grip on Ron. “Hermione, I`m so sorry, I didn’t know he would be like this. It was supposed to be a visit, just like old times.”

Her face crumpled as he began to lead him away.

“They`re leaving me, they`re leaving me again…”

Draco caught her as she crumpled, chest heaving and tears beginning to flow. Her eyes stared into the distance as she began to shake, digging her fingers into her arm and pulling it close.

“Hermione?” Draco whispered. “Hermione, I`m right here. You`re right here.”

He saw Pansy and Theo approach but gestured for them to wait. They began to shoo people away as Hermione`s panic attack grew.

“Hermione, you`re right here. We`re in Hogsmeade, we just got new books. We`re going to eat lunch with Pansy and Theo. You`re not back there, I`m not leaving you.”

She grasped his arms as she tried to take shuddering breaths. Her eyes flit wildly as Draco tried to make eye contact.

“Hey, hey, its okay, I`m right here. Deep breaths, alright?” He grasped her hand and put it to his chest. “Match me, okay? In and out. In and out.”

Eventually, she came back to the present and gazed into Draco`s eyes. He stared back with concern. She shut her eyes and squeezed his hands tighter before being led away with Pansy and Theo to The Hog`s Head.

\---

She took a large drink of her butterbeer as they watched her. “It was after we found the necklace. We were taking turns wearing it; it did horrible things to our minds. But it was a rough patch. Harry and I were discussing our next steps and Ron just snapped. Accused me of sleeping with him, stormed off. He was injured but he just kept walking away. Apparated and left us there.”

“Harry and I were on our own for weeks. Travelling around, not knowing if he was alive or dead. If we would ever see him again.” She took a breath.

“After he came back, he expected things to go back to normal. He expected me to just forgive him, to go back to the way things were. He wanted a relationship, to keep our trio together. But I couldn’t. Not when every time I look at him, I see him walking away and leaving me there.”

The trio watched her as she finished her butterbeer.

“Hermione,” Pansy began. “You don’t need him. Not after everything you`ve done for him. Not after everything he did to you. All those years, he didn’t deserve you. You are worth so much more than that.”

She nodded. “Its just hard, seeing him and knowing that everything we had, everything we lived through, means nothing to him now because I don’t want him in the same way. Where does that leave me?”

“With us,” Theo said firmly. “And we will never take advantage of you like that. We`ve lost too much; we know how it feels and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, least of all, you.”

Hermione nodded and leaned into Draco. Theo shared a look with him and a raised eyebrow. He just rolled his eyes. Now was not the time to talk about that.

“Let`s go back to the castle, yeah?” Pansy offered. “I hear there`s a party tonight. That`ll help cheer us all up.”

\---

‘I'm so thankful; scratch that, baby, I'm grateful  
Now you see me shine from a mile; finally got back that smile’ smile-katy perry

Hermione tried to laugh as Pansy danced around the room, preparing for the party that night. Pansy forced her into an oversized white cable knit sweater and warm leggings. Only a touch of makeup finished off Hermione`s look. She was glad; as much as she wanted to bounce back from her terrible encounter with Ron, she did not have the energy to put in the effort. She would try to go for her friends but now she just felt depressed. Pansy looked stunning in a tight green top and flowy skirt, bright red lips shining as they made their way down to the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys.  
> here`s another chapter.  
> still havent written anything new for any of my fics so yeah.  
> but i started a fan art account on tumblr so if you want, you can check that out. its liaanneart.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party.

Draco was bored. The party was in full swing in the Room of Requirement; Theo was playing guitar, people were drinking and laughing together, playing games of Wizards chess and some game with a bottle. But after seeing what Hermione had been through today, he didn’t quite agree with Pansy`s proposed solution. This didn’t seem like it would help Hermione feel better. However, Pansy always got her way so here he was. He sat around the fireplace drinking with the rest of the eighth years when Pansy and Hermione arrived.

“Party`s here now!” Pansy announced, grinning. Draco watched as Hermione forced a smile.

“You look nice,” he murmured as he passed her a drink.

“Thanks,” she said, blushing a little. She threw her drink back and he raised an eyebrow, refilling it. She rolled her eyes.

“I`ve had a day, I deserve this.”

She sat down on the floor in between him and Theo. The latter grinned mischievously. “Oh dear lovely lady, any requests?”

She laughed, sipping her drink. “Oh, I don’t know, surprise me.”

Theo began plucking out a few chords, then picking a melody. Hermione scrunched her face up in concentration, then her face lit up with a smile. Theo began humming a little tune before Hermione joined in softly.

**_‘All my bags are packed  
I'm ready to go  
I'm standin' here outside your door  
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
But the dawn is breakin'  
It's early morn  
The taxi's waitin'  
He's blowin' his horn  
Already I'm so lonesome  
I could die_ **

**_So kiss me and smile for me  
Tell me that you'll wait for me  
Hold me like you'll never let me go  
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane  
Don't know when I'll be back again  
Oh babe, I hate to go’ – leaving on a jet plane- peter, paul, and mary_ **

Draco stared in shock as the two harmonized together. Hermione`s eyes were shut tight and a soft smile played across her face as they continued the song. She looked like an angel there, with the fire glow on her face. Her voice was quiet but steady as she sung along; she looked at peace. Draco knew he wasn’t the only one staring but couldn’t bring himself to look away.

When Theo`s picking faded away, her eyes opened slowly. “How on earth do you know a Muggle song, of all things?” She asked of him jokingly. He shrugged.

“Its not like the wizarding world has good music. Good Godric, just listen to the atrocity that is our school song!”

They laughed as Draco continued to stare. Theo looked up at him and smirked. “Something you want to say, Draco?”

He glared before looking at Hermione. “You have a really nice voice. It seemed you knew that song really well.”

She smiled sadly. “Thanks. My dad used to sing it to me when I was little.” She looked down in her lap and began to fidget with her hands. Draco`s heart sunk; was there anything that this girl hadn’t lost?

At that moment, Blaise swooped in to save the day. “Well, now that the bard has ceased his woo-ing,” they all laughed. “-care to dance to some real music?”

Loud Muggle music began to blare in the room as Blaise swooped her up and away, laughing. Draco scowled immediately. He watched as she downed two more drinks before taking to the dance floor with his friend. The music pounded in his ears as he glared at them.

\---

**_‘Maybe someday, you and me can run away  
I just want you to know, I wanna be your Romeo  
Hey Juliet’ -hey Juliet- tufts beelzebubs_ **

He felt Pansy slide in beside him. “So you gonna make your move or are you just staring holes in Blaise`s skull for fun?”

He huffed at her as she laughed.

“Pansy, were you not there today when the Weasel showed up? The last thing she needs right now is any relationship business, least of all with me.”

“So you agree, you like her too?”

“Wait, too?”

She giggled. “Please, she is attracted to you! She just wont say anything because of how everything is right now. She thinks it’s the last thing that would help the two of you heal. But if you ask me, I think you`d be good together.”

He didn’t respond, instead gazing out on the dancing crowd as Hermione smiled and twirled with Blaise. She looked so carefree; it’s a shame it was only because of the copious amounts of alcohol in her system. He watched her accept drink after drink, groaning inwardly each time with full knowledge of how bad her nightmares would be. Both of them knew that alcohol made the nightmares worse, it just seemed that Hermione was ignoring that. He didn’t blame her but it still made him sad.

\---

Hermione giggled as she danced with Blaise and then Pansy. Her head was all fuzzy and everything was soft; there was no more screaming. She sighed in relief. Tonight had been so much fun.

She looked over the room, finding Draco. He looked sad and lonely. She began to stumble over to him. He looked up as she gave him an unfocused smile. “Hey, Draco! Why aren’t you dancing?”

He rolled his eyes while she collapsed next to him. “I don’t really dance, there`s a few too many people here for this to be my scene.”

She nodded, overexaggerating. “Yeah, I understand. But at least they`re real living bodies instead of ghosts.” She giggled before taking another drink.

“Aaand that’s enough of that.” He stated, gently maneuvering the cup out of her hand. She pouted, reaching for it before sighing.

“You know, Draco, Ron made me really sad today.”

He looked to her and nodded encouragingly.

“Lots of things make me sad. Like how I cant focus in class or how so many people are dead or how my parents don’t know me or how I don’t sleep or how people like Ron can still be mean. Its not fair, why cant everybody just be nice to each other?”

Everything ached now. She didn’t like it. She leaned her head onto his shoulder. “Hi again.”

He wrapped an arm around her and sighed. “Hello, Hermione.”

****_-Seven years of us, never moving forward_  
Said we’re not in a rush, but we’re going nowhere  
It’s too late, it’s too soon- if you wanted it too- jake scott 

“Why did he leave, Draco? Why does everyone leave?” she sniffled as he kissed her forehead.

“Not everyone leaves, Hermione. You`ve just had shit taste in friends.”

She leaned back and gasped. “No! I have very nice friends!” She tried to hit him but missed.

“You`re drunk, Hermione.”

“No, I`m only a little.”

“Mmm, yeah, okay.”

They sat in front of the fire as the party carried on around them. Couples began disappearing off to hidden corners and private rooms while they enjoyed the warmth and peace for a bit longer.

“How are we doing?” Theo grinned, wrapping his arms tightly around Hermione`s shoulders. And she disappeared into her mind.

\---

_-and who might you be, he growled in her ear-_

_-tightened his arm around her shoulders-_

_-we`ll have lots of fun, wont we-_

_-sniffed down her bare neck as she whimpered and fought against him-_

_-let me go, let me go, just let me go-_

\---

The girl stiffened and began to thrash immediately. Theo dropped his arms and stepped back, fear written all over his face.

“Hey! Hermione! Calm down!” Draco called, grabbing her arm. She let out a scream and dashed away from him as the remaining students hushed and stared at them.

\---

_-too hot, burning pain-_

_-screaming-_

_-mudblood-_

_-cant breathe, cant breathe-_

\---

“Draco, I swear, I don’t know what set her off, I wasn’t-“

“I know, Theo, just- fuck- back up for a second.”

“Draco, she`s bleeding.”

“Fuck, Pansy, I know! I can see!”

\---

_-her head was pounding, the cruciatus made things fuzzy-_

_-just scream, scream, get it out-_

_-whats going on, need to get away-_

_-go away, go away-_

_-theres too much screaming-_

\---

“Hermione, love, we`re right here, its okay.”

“Roll her sleeve up, someone get a towel.”

“Shit. Fuck. Shit.”

“It never healed, it ripped right open.”

\---

_-why was she shaking, was it cold, was it pain-_

_-it didn’t sound like Greyback in her ear-_

_-their sleeve was too soft to be the one who hurt her-_

_-curls and worried eyes swam as she tried to blink-_

\---

“That’s it, Hermione, keep blinking. Deep breaths, can you do that? In and out.”

“I need a sobering potion now! Someone needs to try and fix this!”

\---

_-someone moved her hand to their chest-_

_-it felt steady and strong-_

_-deep breaths, they said-_

_-in and out-_

\---

“-mione?”

She blinked open, fuzzy shapes turning into colors and faces. Pansy and Theo sat in front of her, while Draco`s steady breathing rose and fell behind her back. She blinked, a tear rolling down her cheek as she swallowed.

“Was it- was the screaming me?” she whispered. She looked down, only to come face to face with the bright angry letters on her bleeding forearm. Her stomach turned and she threw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my peeps!  
> i hope you liked the chapter, all the angst.  
> i havent been doing well, i actually relapsed a few days ago which was not fun. but im taking it day by day. today isnt that bad, i actually got dressed today! :)  
> two things: i started a tumblr of my fanart, which has brought me a lot of joy. its liaanneart, if you get bored and want something to look at. also, i started another harry potter fanfic! its called constellations and closets and its about the marauders era and im super hyped about it.  
> i hope you are all staying safe. i love you guys so much and you keep me going.


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